Duct tape. (Audio NSFW)
As Lewis notes in the link above, during the Cold War, the powers-that-be told kids to hide under their school desks in case of a nuclear attack. Let that sink in: to defend against the force of nature that powers the Sun and all the stars in the sky--the enormous and unfathomably hot titanic balls of fire--the government said "get under wood."
But as illustrated in the graphic below, this Cold War-era PSA provided an even dumber suggestion--I know, I didn't think it was possible either. Check out #4:
Apparently, newsprint and anything under it is impervious to nuclear fallout.
SAVE THE NEWSPAPERS!!!