Dear March Madness participants,
President Obama believes that competition is hurting
In response, the NCAA has suspended all competitive play in March Madness after the first round this year. That means—by way of alphabetical supremacy and the fact that, clearly,
Oh, and please ignore all the basketball games that continue to be shown on television. The NCAA hasn’t told fans yet, but I assure you, the exhibition games you see mean nothing. All the athletes are playing for the love of sport and to make everyone feel like a winner. This also means that the “One Shining Moment” montage of excellence at the end of the tourney will more closely resemble ESPN’s weekly “Not Top 10 Plays” of gaffes, blunders and missed dunks because, well, they tried and that’s what’s important.
You will all be receiving your participation ribbons in the next 4-6 weeks via US Mail.
Sorry to do this to you after the rules were established, but that’s just how
Have a good day and thanks for playing!